Because I want to mere never

In a way I am glad that if I had to divorce your father I did it while we were young and you are very young. Essentially we have done is taken one of the most sad and confusing event a child can experience and went through it at a point that you won't remember. Although I do wonder what sort  of mess it causes you to go through now. I hope it's not to bad. I hope I give you strength. I hope you don't regret later that you don't remember those times. I can assure you that you didn't miss much. I will say your father was a great friend to me and we had some good times. There are moments you will have wanted to remember. Some good times you could have seen. But there was a lot of bad times too and I'm glad you don't have to remember those. I'm glad I have now met a man I am sure I will spend the rest of my life with so you never have to experience more of that. I am blessed. I hope you remember me all the way up there. This is the fourth  time you have been away from me,   Maybe more.  The military kept me away a lot. Now I see you more but sometimes it's still not enough and I can't get enough of you and I want you home. I put a little purple flower, that fell off you shoe, on my keychain. It reminds me of you. I found it the day that I was dropping you off too your dads for the first summer. It kills me every time I have to let you go. And then like now, I am sitting waiting wishing for you. It feels empty when you are not around.    I start having hallucinations  that I are or hear you and I get excited. I long to have you near me just being you. I think one day I will make this years journal a book.